a crybaby's diary
there’s never a to-do list, there isn’t a big wash/pack station, or a tool shed, or a map of the farm. but all the things to do keep emerging really naturally.
everyone is working here, the day is passing for everyone here.
planted peas with 소나무 today. always three seeds in each hole - one for u, one for the birds, and one for ur neighbors.
i have been working with my body and feeling stronger. which is something i will always want.
i went back into the city for a weekend. 95/dan ryan voibes.
people have been living and farming in 말금마을 since the 실라시대.
a world changes so fast in a generation, in one two three four years. i like asking 소나무 about the things she's seen and thought about.
i like using the hand tools, and i’ve been wearing gloves a lot more often.
picking up all the 매실 off the ground, all the blueberries off the trees, it makes me feel like a small child, a baby - crouching like a baby would, extending my hands and grimy fingers like a baby, returning to the same spots over and over again because i am a baby, putting it all into my little pouch not because i am farmer but because i am a baby and there is nothing to do but this thing in front of me that i have been told to do. i am tired of feeling like a baby! not when there is so much to be done! i want to know what i am doing! with mature conviction!
wah wah wah
when’s the last time u worked?
what do u mean by that?
i see the neighbors working til the sun sets. i go for a walk and see him dropping down plants, calmly and precisely and rhythmically. when i return, he’s doing the same thing, just a little further down the face of the mountain. a task, many tasks, for the day, tasks that aren’t done until u have done them.
the korean word for land (땅) is so funny to me. the way it sounds like a hollow bell is weird. there is something to be said about how the quality of life for korean farmers has been declining rapidly (because of a staggering increase in imported goods and the overall bleakness of agriculture as an industry) while thousands of seasonal laborers are brought in every year (largely from vietnam, cambodia, and nepal) and are subjected to another kind of shitty, deeply unfair quality of life. it feels shitty that i dont have much more to say about this right now, and that the words i do have are only in english.
this has been a very weird and very hard part of my life! the clumsiness is lasting!
i like learning how to weed from marie. chaim is freakishly good at finding four leaf clovers. 소나무 tells me that freedom 여유 is not given and that the struggle for it is precious. i don’t smoke alone anymore, since mara arrived. i’m in silly awe of the way 블루비 operates the forklift. 쌤 knows about all the edible plants around the mountains, and she shares a poem with me before i leave.
if u forget ur umbrella, i’ll walk with u under the rain!
sincerely, 말금마을 막내
250716
finally finished putting together this video - i hope 달팽이 텃밭 friends enjoy it. it features 쌤, whom i admire for the clarity that brought her to 단양. my voice turns into a real baby when i speak korean - it's embarrassing. i enjoyed translating this - it was something i really enjoyed doing while at the farm, too.
250821 update
🏡